Romance. What does it conjure up for you? Candlelight, soft music, dancing together, longing looks?Perhaps a walk in the park or a picnic together in a favourite location. But no matter how you see it, romance is really the act of wooing or being wooed. It’s the yearning to be with someone and acting in such a way to make that person long to be with you.
For many couples, romance is easy in the beginning – there are no kids to distract and tire you out, no pressures of finances to fight over, no annoying habits to live with. After time though, these things may start to eat away at your longing to be with your lover. Desire is a key part of keeping romance alive, so the act of wooing doesn’t work very well if there is none. Perhaps you’ve grown distant in your relationship and you spend more time with friends and the children than you do with each other.
The ideas below are to help recall the early days in your relationship. They may have little to do with mood lighting or lingerie, though let’s not knock either of those. Instead these suggestions aim to take you back to romance on a much deeper level.
As simple as it seems, you need to talk to each other. We’re not talking about discussing family business, what the kids did and which bills need paid this month. When we say “talk” we mean the deep stuff. Share your thoughts, views and dreams, expose your feelings instead of keeping them to yourself. It’s important to turn off the television (AND THE PHONE) or put down that magazine and look at each other while you converse. Really listen, understand and respond. If your partner is distracted, then ask him or her to carve out 10-15 minutes just to catch up.
If you do this regularly, you will start see the things that remind you why you’re together in the first place. You’ll begin to appreciate his or her ambitions and desires. You may think you couldn’t possibly learn anything new, but we all change and grow as time passes. Why not find out the ways you’ve both changed, your views on the big and small things? Don’t get left behind it will be the best 10-15 minutes of your day.
Disagreements are unavoidable in a healthy relationship. How you choose to handle these conflicts will decide if yours will stand or fall. Nothing will ruin the desire to be together faster than resentment and bitterness. As the song says – Let It Go! (sorry, we know you’re humming it now) Be honest when disagreements arise, or you’ll never feel satisfied, but be kind too. Words have a power to hurt deeper than physical injury. Learn to forgive and let go of harboured hurts, you will build a stronger more open relationship that fosters trust and deeper feeling.
A critical attitude can make or break a romance.
Instead of pointing out all of the ways your partner regularly disappoints you, focus on their positive attributes and all the things they do right. Take the opportunity to express your heartfelt appreciation, and not just to them. We all have a bit of a moan to friends about our partner, try singing their praises instead. It will reinforce your positive feelings and more of your mate’s good qualities will stand out, and in addition, you will find your partner’s heart growing larger toward you as he or she feels more appreciated and adored.
Never Stop Saying “I Love You”
The words “I love you” never grow old – so say them!
This isn’t a business deal. You’re with each other because you want to be so enjoy yourselves and have fun. You have the opportunity to be best friends if you’re willing to invest in the relationship. Remember all the fun things you did together when you were dating? Stop reminiscing about those memories from the past and create some new ones. (Tip – the soft lights and lingerie would be good here)
Don’t wait until it’s too late to begin practicing these principles. Start today.